The 5 stages of grief I went through

                                       *TRIGGER WARNING*

1) Shock & Denial- Refusing to believe it happened. refusing to even think about what has happened. Not believing it. Just pushing it to the back of your mind and forgetting about it. 

2) Pain & Guilt- Coming to the realization of what has happened. Reliving every moment over and over. Replaying every scenario; what would I have done differently, what could I have done to prevent this, what could I have done…Blaming myself for putting myself in this position. Blaming myself for ever meeting him. Blaming myself for ever having feelings for him.

3) Anger & Bargaining-  The why did this happen to me, how did this happen to me, the its not fair what did I do to deserve this. the What if I did this or that differently. 

4) Depression- Feeling alone. Like not a single person understood me. Feeling the need to keep quiet as people may not believe me. The suicidal thoughts, the self harm thoughts. Wanting everything to feel numb. Not wanting to live.

5) Acceptance- Yes, My name is Valerie, and in my last semester of high school I indeed was Raped. I was raped by my boyfriend at the time. Whom I thought I was greatly in love with. I no longer feel the need to hide. 

So Kyle, if this some how gets to you. Just know one thing. I survived. And I am stronger now then I have ever been. You may have broke me temporally, but I have put myself back together. 

Though I will never be okay with what happened. I am learning to move forward. Healing. That wound will never heal completely. But I will be able to cope. I will be able to live my life as if it was my last day, every day.

6) Moving on- I know I said 5 stages… but 6 this is an important one. One I have yet to fully get to. Some days are extremely difficult. others easy. But there’s this one motto I do my best to live by… “Memories take you back, but dreams, dreams they take you forward”. I dream for better things for me. One day I will fully be able to say that I have moved on. When that day comes, just be ready.

Now I know this is not really the place to be posting something like this but. This is what I need. To get it out there so others can learn for a simple mistake I made.
It all started February of 2013 my last semester of high school. I met this guy. (Let’s call him milo). Everything started out fine, milo seemed like a very nice guy and we were getting along fine. As usual time progresses and things started changing, as you may have already guessed, yes he wanted sex. I said NO but he continued to insist, he continued to insist that it was something I wanted. He did not stop. Finally I said yes, just to get him to shut up. Now this continued over the course of 4 months. Over and over and over. Finally my birthday had come, and he had told me to come over to his place, and again the same thing, I said no but he continues to push. I go home that night and I get home and my mothers yelling at me because I’m covered in the smell of smoke. (He smoked weed/cigarets). He was texting and calling me at the same time and I finally could not take it anymore. I broke up with him. But that wasn’t the end. He continues to harass me for months on end. Then When I finally talked to someone about what had happened… I had come to the realization I had been raped, multiple times. I said NO and NO means NO. Even if you eventually said yes, in my mind i did not want to have sex.
Now I continued to keep this from my parents, 3 years pass by, I’m now seeing a wonderful human being. Someone who I told my story to, and convinced me that telling my parents was something I needed to do. After 3 endless years of mental torture I finally came out to my parents. They did not react as I expected instead they comforted me and made me feel safe. I told them i did not want to go to the police I just wanted this evil presence out of my life. I do feel like an idiot for not coming out about it sooner to them. But now that they now, I can now get the proper support I had been desperately longing for.
My biggest mistake was, not coming out about it as soon as I realized what had happened. This was killing me keeping it all bottled up from my parents. Now they know.
I hope someone can learn from my mistakes. And maybe i can help save a life. No I’m not looking for sympathy and I’m not looking for someone to say oh poor you, I’m simply hoping I can help someone else.
Yours truly,
Me

Kurt: *Comes up*

Me: yES THATS MY PRECIOUS BOY

Peter: *Comes up*

Me: yES THATS MY SARCASTIC LITTLE SHIT